Shattered
by Midnight Moonfly
Summary: Each time he came and left and each time he told him it didn't mean anything, that they weren't supposed to happen, Thad felt as if Wes reached into his heart, grabbed a piece and crushed it. Rated T for mentions of sex.


Thad wasn't emotional. He had never been very emotional. He rarely laughed when he was a child and he rarely cried. He didn't cry over movies, songs or sad stories, nor did he laugh. He rarely got angry and he had never been in love before. Quite frankly, he thought the idea of love and lovesickness was unflattering and at many times had he called it stupid, moronic, idiotic and pathetic. After seeing his parents go through a rather nasty divorce, his father didn't want anything to do with him or his brother anymore. He lost all his beliefs in true love when he was only nine years old.

But then it happened. Then it all changed.

He began to look at Wes differently. Or maybe he always had. Thad wasn't sure about it, nor did he really care. He began noticing all of Wes' habits, like how he always had to lick his fingers after he touched wet food, the way his shoulder bag was always carried on his right shoulder, and how everything in his room was organized. And he found them all adorable.

Wes wasn't simply Wes anymore, but he was _Wes_. The straight guy with the beautiful smile, the flawless skin, the incredible personality and the amazing voice. The Wes Thad thought he could never have. The man of his dreams.

Thad began laughing more. At first, he forced himself to. The more he did it, the more he realized how much he missed it. He missed the feeling he got and he missed the smile on his face. But that wasn't why he began laughing again. No, it was Wes. When Thad laughed, Wes either laughed with him or smiled. Thad would do anything to see that smile directed at him.

He accidently let it slip out he liked him one day, when he was talking to Trent. Trent only smiled and told him to go for it. So he did.

He told him after everyone had left from a Warbler rehearsal. Wes' response was haste, he sounded scared and he stuttered. He told him he had a girlfriend and he didn't like guys. He said he liked Thad, but just in a friendly manner. He then left the room quickly and Thad's heart ached.

It had happened on a Friday. After school, Thad felt like crying in his car for a moment. Maybe it was because of his feelings, or maybe it was the pouring rain. But he told himself no, he wouldn't do it. He wasn't weak, it wasn't that serious and Wes wasn't worth it. He would not cry over him. He would not cry over love.

His mom had gone out on a date and his brother was at a sleepover, so he was all alone in his house. He was about to make himself some dinner when he heard a knock on the door. Wes stood there, shaking and wet. Thad was about to ask if something had happened, if Wes was alright. But then Wes reached out and pulled Thad closer to him, pressing his lips up against his.

Wes ended up spending his evening there. They ordered pizza and made-out. Not much talking went on. Every time Thad opened his mouth to ask Wes if he was gay, why he had changed his mind, why he ran off earlier, if he still was dating his girlfriend, why he was dating her or if he was into Thad, Wes just kissed him.

Wes left before Thad's mom came home. Thad tried to call Wes all weekend, but he didn't answer. Monday morning, Wes pretended like nothing had happened. When Thad tried to ask him why he was acting like it, Wes told him that night was a mistake. That it shouldn't have happened. Thad agreed. It shouldn't have happened. He shouldn't have let Wes kiss him if he didn't like him. He shouldn't have let himself fall for him.

But it repeated itself. Wes would spend time with his girlfriend and then he'd come to Thad. And every time, he left him and told him it didn't mean anything. Yet he always came back and Thad always took him back.

Each time he came and left and each time he told him it didn't mean anything, that they weren't supposed to happen, Thad felt as if Wes reached into his heart, grabbed a piece and crushed it.

It wasn't just killing Thad, it was also destroying Wes. He felt guilty each time. But he couldn't stop, he couldn't keep himself from going to Thad again and again and again. But he couldn't break up with Lea. With her, kissing didn't feel as good and the sex was awkward. With Thad, it felt good, it felt _right_.

At times, when it was hot, sweaty and blurry, Wes would say things. He'd tell Thad he loved him. He'd tell him he was the only one. He'd tell him he didn't love Lea, he loved him. He'd tell him he was gay. He'd tell him how _right_ it felt, how _good_ it felt. He'd tell him they should be together.

The very next day, he'd always tell him he only said those things because he got caught up in the moment. He'd tell him they weren't true. He'd tell him it didn't mean anything. He'd tell him he loved Lea.

One day, Thad's heart shattered.

He was in a bad mood one day, he was heartbroken. Wes had just approached him and told him that the night before hadn't meant anything. He had stopped by in Flint's dorm, his roommate was out at that moment, to borrow some notes. Flint asked him if something was wrong. Thad exploded.

He told him that yes, everything was wrong. The man he loved, the boy of his dreams, was just using him. He wasn't strong enough to tell him no, because even though it hurt him so bad when he left, it felt so good when he was with him. Thad broke down. He did something he hadn't done in many years.

He wept.

He cried and he cried and he cried. Flint held him all that time, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, telling him it would be okay. He cried for what felt like hours. He cried so hard he struggled with his breath. He cried so hard it _ached_.

Flint's words helped Thad when Wes came again. He told him he couldn't do this anymore to himself. He told him his heart broke every time Wes left. He told him how much his words _stung_ and how much it hurt.

Then it was Wes' time to break down.

He began crying and Thad held him. Wes told him all about why he was like this. Wes was gay, he really was, but his parents could never know. They'd disown him, they'd think of him as a disgusting disgrace, they'd take away his college fund and they'd kick him out. It had happened before in the family. Rumor had it that girl was now selling herself on the streets. Wes was so scared of the consequences of coming out. He told him he did love Thad, but they couldn't be together. Not yet. In the meantime, he had to date a girl. Then they wouldn't suspect anything. They wouldn't hate him.

Thad tried to tell him he could do it. They could be together. His family was the disgusting one, they didn't deserve him. He could live with Thad or with David or with any Warbler. They both knew they'd be happy to shelter him. He didn't have to date a girl. He could be himself. He didn't need their money, he was talented enough on his own, so he could get a scholarship or make it on his own. He could go far with his voice alone.

Thad thought Wes had believed him. But the following day, Wes told him he was sorry. He couldn't do it. He was too afraid to.

The other Warblers all knew about their semi relationship. Most of them only counted them as friends with benefits and didn't think about it more, since they felt that it was their personal life and it didn't and shouldn't matter to them. The rest knew Wes and Thad wanted to be together, but couldn't. They knew Wes was only using Lea to hide his true sexuality. They knew Wes and Thad belonged together.

Each time Wes brought Lea to a Dalton party, some Warblers patted Thad on the shoulders, offering him silent support, or they tried to keep him occupied. Wes and Lea looked more like friends than a couple. They didn't show any public display of affection, besides holding hands. Thad thanked for it. If he'd ever see them make-out in front of him, he wouldn't be able to take it. His heart wouldn't be able to take it.

Wes kept coming to him. He always left.

It crushed Thad's heart every time.


End file.
